An Unknown and Compelling Force by Jade Mitchell
December 20
We’ve arrived in Ivdel. It’s good to be off the train. Igor, Zinadia and I have been running to stretch our legs. The others are drinking. Zinadia and I are going to finish washing and then go join them. Igor doesn’t drink. Tomorrow is another travel day and then, after weeks of planning, we finally begin our trek.
It would have been an easier climb in October, but it is more exciting to go when the route is at its most difficult.
December 21
Another day of sitting around. Today, on a truck. It makes me miss the train. However, knowing that we’re just a few hours from Vizhai has lifted the mood of the group. There’s a good energy in the group.
There are eight men and two women on the journey to Otorten, all are excellent mountaineers and skiiers. It’s fine company to be in. I’m not sure if all the chatter is relaxing our nerves, or winding them tighter. We’ve been talking to one another about our families, our studies, previous climbs, our favourite books, and our least favourite professors at the University.
All of us look happy to be here except for Yuri. He sits with his head tipped back, and his eyes closed. I haven’t seen him talk to anyone the whole day. Perhaps he is just tired. Or perhaps he is just rude.
Update:
Yuri collapsed after dinner. He vomited what looked like blood onto the snow as Rustem and Igor tried to help him back to bed. I feel ashamed now, assuming him to be insolent when it’s clear that he is, actually, very sick.
December 22
Finally! After weeks of planning and days of travel, today is the day our challenge begins. I cannot wait to be away from the houses and the streets and the people. Alone to battle nature and my own thoughts. On Devil’s peak. In the dead of winter. Where better to test one’s fortitude?
Update:
Yuri’s turned back, and just one day in. It was sad to say goodbye. This early defeat of our comrade casts a shadow on the trip. But he was far too ill to continue to the mountain. So far, the rest of us seem to have escaped his symptoms. It is the one, flickering light in a dark beginning.
December 23
A full day’s walking through the frozen forest has helped to ease some of the bad feeling of Yuri’s leaving. Now that the sun has gone down, it is clear how far we have walked from Vizhai. Everywhere I look there is only black sky and white snow. It is sparkling, and silent, and beautiful.
Update:
We stored the extra food and equipment for the return trip. What should have been a relatively simple task took much more time, and much more energy thanks to a sudden, bitter snowstorm. The freezing winds come racing down the pass, and make the fingers numb with cold. We are all exhausted. I think we will sleep well tonight.
Update:
I cannot sleep. It is almost four o’ clock in the morning. There is a sound all around me like a large sheet of metal being slowly torn apart. It is like the wailing of a dying animal, or an old woman, or a sick baby, but a thousand times louder. It tortures my ears and makes my head ring like a struck bell. I feel like I can hear it with my whole body. I imagine I can taste it like fresh blood in the back of my throat. It is both a deep hum and a piercing shriek. The intensity of it is unbearable.
I asked Zinadia if she could hear anything, but she said no and went back to sleep. I went outside and walked for ten minutes, into the trees, into the black night and the white snow. But there is no escaping it.
I have wrapped my ears with my scarf. I am afraid I am getting sick too.
December 24
It stopped. I could weep with gratitude. It is unfortunate to begin the first day of climbing on so little sleep, but at least I will not have to turn back like Yuri.
Update:
Today was a black day. Our progress was slowed by another, unrelenting storm. We have ascended just 1.5km. To make things worse, Igor has confirmed that we have deviated from our intended path. We have established camp for the night on the exposed North face. Semyon suggested we go back, towards the tree line. However, Igor is insistent that we sleep on the mountain. Personally, I don’t care where we sleep, so long as that damned noise does not return.
Update:
The noise is back. It is like a thousand knives being dragged across a chalk board, like an icicle penetrating concrete. It’s as if the bones of God himself were being wrenched apart. It’s a shrill, grinding, moaning, creaking drone. It sets my jaw on edge and shakes my brain inside my skull.
The others are still asleep. Why can’t they hear it?
It is as though the mountain itself is screaming.
God, please, please make it stop.
My skin feels too tight. Like I’ve been baked. Like it’s about to split and curl around my boiled flesh. It feels like I am on fire. I cannot sit inside the tent anymore. It’s too hot.
This is hell and we are damned.
Jesus.
The tents are being ripped open.
It feels like my blood is on fire.
The others are awake now.
There’s more screaming.
God, please send us help.
Zinadia is also praying.
Igor is running down the mountain in only his socks.
Rustem and Semyon aren’t moving at all.
Update:
It is quiet on the mountain again, finally. Everyone is quiet now where they lie. In the black night, and the white snow. And the red snow.
January 27, 2017 at 11:30 am
Brilliant! The use of the diary is excellent; works really well to hint at the relationships between the group and to build dread. Superb.
LikeLike
January 28, 2017 at 3:06 pm
Diary entry is a good idea. Excellent short sentences at the end increase tension.
LikeLike
January 30, 2017 at 5:21 pm
Well-deserved winner. I could definitely see this as a film. Brilliantly chilling and desolate, just like the setting. The descriptions of the noise were fantastic. Love the diary style too, makes it human, compelling and plays wonderful tricks with the pace.
LikeLike
February 1, 2017 at 10:38 am
The use of a diary entry as a means of portraying an event immediately allows a sense of dread to surround it. The language choice also portrays this as being a real person which helps with the tension. This is also furthered at the end of the piece by the short sentences, scribbled down in a hurry as the unseen tension reaches boiling point. I really like how vague the ending is. It allows for a lot of room to the reader to come to their own conclusion and can thus potentially be scarier or more tense than intended. Which in my opinion, is always a good thing 🙂
LikeLike
February 3, 2017 at 2:30 am
Love this style! I have yet to see the diary format utilized so well. The line “This is Hell and we are the damned” was particularly striking. Looking forward to seeing more work!
LikeLike
February 5, 2017 at 5:22 pm
Great story, The fact that your mind darts off into all different directions keeping you guessing is a nice tension builder, great descriptions, makes you believe in a bleak, stark place, love the fact that at the finish you make your own interpretation.
LikeLike
February 6, 2017 at 7:02 pm
A great theoretical retelling of what little we know of the real-world event. Some haunting lines here.
LikeLike
February 6, 2017 at 8:42 pm
Very nice. I like your use of the unknown to generate fear. Imagine the despair you would feel if you heard a deafening noise but no one else could hear it? It would, quite literally, drive you crazy!
LikeLike
February 6, 2017 at 8:57 pm
Very well executed. The diary format was intriguing and added to the tension of the piece. The descriptions were sharp, well formed and brought the reader right into the moment. Well done!
LikeLike
February 7, 2017 at 11:46 am
Atmospheric, yet concise. Love the choice of character names. Poor Igor in his socks….
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 7, 2017 at 3:03 pm
So tense and chilling!
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 7, 2017 at 5:43 pm
excellent build up to a terrifying ending.
LikeLike
February 7, 2017 at 7:09 pm
I loved the diary format! It was a perfect way to get across the creeping insidiousness of the horror. I also like how we have to infer everything we learn about the situation the diarist is stuck in, which made it way creepier. It really reminds me of Poppy Z Brite.
LikeLike
February 7, 2017 at 8:58 pm
Very fun and amazing descriptions. Made me think of the isolation in John Carpenter’s THE THING as well as Jack London’s To Build a Fire. Great work!
LikeLike
February 8, 2017 at 3:36 am
This story is amazing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 12, 2017 at 2:22 pm
I liked the transition from longer entries to bursts of lines at the end. It made the lead to the end very intense. Also it was neat that after the build the story ended on a calm note. Loved the description of the noises.
LikeLiked by 1 person
March 6, 2017 at 3:44 pm
Wow! The suspense was gripping. I just laid down on my bed and I’ve been trying to figure out the end
LikeLike
March 6, 2017 at 4:35 pm
Diary format provided great pacing.
LikeLike
March 9, 2017 at 7:39 pm
I’m a sucker for time stamps. The organization of the piece is wonderful.
LikeLike
March 12, 2017 at 5:30 pm
Great story. Reader is asking questions right from the very beginning. I also loved the use of dairy form. Original and effective.
LikeLike
March 14, 2017 at 9:27 am
Love the diary format of writing and the tight lines. The ending is definitely ‘the calm after the storm’.
LikeLike
March 15, 2017 at 5:58 am
Love the style of this, in a sense makes it relatable, but still gives it its own edge
LikeLike
March 15, 2017 at 9:25 am
black sky and white snow. this whole piece was stark and gripping. good work
LikeLiked by 1 person
March 16, 2017 at 5:16 pm
Absolutely brilliant piece of writing. I loved the simplicity of your language and the imagery of the knives across the chalkboard! Extremely visual. There was an earnestness in the tone of your writing which made me believe everything that you were saying. Congratulations!
LikeLiked by 1 person
March 19, 2017 at 12:48 am
Reall, really amazing. Creative with the use of poetic language mixed with the horrific content. A deserving winner.
LikeLike
March 19, 2017 at 5:44 am
A solid narrative that allows the reader to create meaningful visuals and follow the story in an intense manner. Very well done.
LikeLike
March 19, 2017 at 3:53 pm
The journal format in this piece accentuated the feeling of desolation; I feel like I’m a member of the expedition, rather than an omnipotent watcher.
LikeLike
March 19, 2017 at 10:12 pm
Kept me guessing the whole way through. Bleak for sure, but extremely well written and very visually evocative. Really enjoyed this piece.
LikeLike
March 20, 2017 at 2:50 pm
really innovative use of a classic format – big fan.
LikeLike
March 23, 2017 at 6:22 pm
The descriptions of the sound left my ears ringing as I read the words…
LikeLike
March 23, 2017 at 8:38 pm
Truly chilling. The gradual, epistolary style was perfectly suited to your story. Haunting, and leaves one wanting more.
LikeLike
March 25, 2017 at 10:40 am
Bleak, grim and unrelenting, I enjoyed the way the dread is amplified via sound as well as the visuals.Nice piece.
LikeLiked by 1 person
March 26, 2017 at 4:47 am
Nice one. The progression of time from the diary really builds up suspense.
LikeLike
March 27, 2017 at 8:01 pm
Fascinating story; very well-written and gripping from start to finish. Left me wanting to know more!
LikeLike
May 10, 2017 at 9:04 am
Brilliant story that reminds me of the start of Dracula.
LikeLike
May 14, 2017 at 2:50 pm
I never saw that ending coming. It’s gruesome and brilliant at the same time. The last line in particular is really good and gave me a chill down my spine.
LikeLike
May 19, 2017 at 11:45 am
great style, creating atmosphere and heightening fear
LikeLike
May 27, 2017 at 11:33 am
This is really atmospheric. Brilliant writing.
LikeLike
June 2, 2017 at 1:40 pm
I like the diary format, builds tension.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 16, 2017 at 1:18 am
Nice. I love this kind of thing. You know something bad is going to happen and the narrator doesn’t know it yet. Yes, diary style worked really well. Loved the noise and yet everyone else was asleep. And then the chaos. And the colours. Beautifully dark.
LikeLike