By B.T. Schweitzer
Dearest Sister,
I write to you to tell this most jubilant news, I have given birth to my first begotten son only this morning! Such a kind and loving parent to so many, Ezekiel insisted that I write to you before sundown and tell you of this miracle of conception in my barren womb.
Born on this Sabbath Day our son is fair, and wise, and good in every way taking to the nature of his Father and his many siblings. He will grow to be a leader of men as our folk have already accepted him to be, we prepare for his entrance into the flock, and his introduction to the Shepherd. As the sun descends beyond the flatness of the fields Ezekiel will hold him before our congregation and I will bathe him in my life love for all to see.
Spinster Allen, even with her troubled eyes of late, has crafted me a dress of the first white cotton this season and our town smith has forged a beautiful knife for tonight that my son will use in the harvest until his dying day.
As familiar with our customs you are dearest sister I understand this news must be bittersweet. But as the last flowers of autumn know winter comes but choose to grow, and be more beautiful because of it, this is my decision. One that will be irrevocable by the receipt of this letter. Ezekiel will hold my son to the fields bestride the night and the Shepherd will descend from the sky to surely claim him as part of our flock and he will be bathed in every drop of love my life can give.
I know he will be chosen among the flock because he has the Shepherd’s eyes. And his teeth.
November 22, 2016 at 11:08 am
I really liked this, you build the culture and the world of the story line by line, and I liked the reference of ‘life love’ as a euphemism for the bloody ritual ahead. The only line that gave me pause was the last one. It seems to come from left field and doesn’t add to the impending horror so much as it has me scratching my head… But overall a great little read.
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December 10, 2016 at 11:39 pm
Hey Jade, thank you for the kind words! I’m glad you enjoyed my piece. It was actually quite fun to write. I did an entry for almost every day of the week but I think I ended up only submitting this one because it was my favorite. I took inspiration from Children of the Corn but I wanted to go in a different direction. For me the last line was more about showing that the child was not entirely human and that the shepherd was not entirely kind to his flock. Either way I’m so very glad that you enjoyed my piece I write a lot of microfiction and other short works as well as host my own monthly contests – if you are interested in seeing any of my work please feel free to visit my site http://www.btschweitzer.com/
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March 7, 2017 at 5:31 pm
Children of the Corn was what popped in my mind as soon as I finished reading your piece! Absolutely loved your story.
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December 12, 2016 at 5:25 pm
Great site! You’ve got an awesome collection of material. I suspect I’ll also come sniffing around your contest pages soon as I find they’re a great way to motivate myself to write to a theme (and with a deadline). You’ve got a real talent with micro fiction.
My own site https://jademitchellwriting.com has been woefully neglected for a long time, but your proliferation of fiction has inspired me to stop procrastinating, and to start writing a lot more (you know, after Christmas…).
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December 21, 2016 at 12:42 am
Seems to be paying off for you! Congrats again on the win here! And don’t worry we all procrastinate (my December contest still isn’t up lol)
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January 27, 2017 at 11:39 am
nice piece and I like the mystery of it all, I’m assuming the mother is going to sacrifice herself now she’s had a child? Creepy and reminds me of that M Night Shyamalan film The Village.
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January 27, 2017 at 4:10 pm
“And his teeth.” Wonderful ending!
I always appreciate stories that leave a sinister lasting image in my mind. Great, flowing writing here, B.T.!
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February 5, 2017 at 11:12 am
Interestingly gripping, well written
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February 5, 2017 at 4:38 pm
Rather an old fashioned way of writing, I like it!
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February 6, 2017 at 7:10 pm
The type of horror I appreciate the most is that which, instead of putting all the pieces together for you, simply hints at things instead.
Great ending.
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February 7, 2017 at 3:13 pm
Love the gripping word choice. Leaves you with an eerie feel
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February 7, 2017 at 7:15 pm
I love that last line! The whole cult sounds very sinister, and you did a very good job evoking a voice for the narrator — she sounds very authentic and the horror elements of your story blend so seamlessly into her narrative. I really admire how you’ve painted such a broad image of this community with so few words, I should really be taking notes on this myself.
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February 7, 2017 at 9:02 pm
The ending and last line nailed it. Fantastic. The letter brought you into a world unknown to most of us and slapped us in the face. As readers, we not only deserved to be slapped or caught off guard, but we willingly take joy from it (this is not a note to encourage domestic or any type of violence).
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March 12, 2017 at 9:23 pm
I loved the obsessive narrator, and the mysteriousness, having to read between the lines, the coldness creeps up on you
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March 15, 2017 at 5:39 am
It was the ending that had me pause and re-read..
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March 16, 2017 at 5:26 pm
Good writing. The whole piece seems to flow easily and the hints of horror that lace it in parts has been done very tastefully. Enjoyed reading it.
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March 18, 2017 at 10:41 pm
An interesting interpretation and retelling of the Bible story. Nice work.
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March 20, 2017 at 1:52 am
This flash fiction was really good. It took me a few reads to fully understand what was happening but once I did I was thoroughly freaked and loving it. I enjoy how it is almost open ended and therefore left for the reader to decide.
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March 20, 2017 at 3:23 pm
Beautiful story here, a mother covering her son in her own blood for a cult’s ritual. I feel strangely…drawn to it. The purity of the mother’s love creates a happy feeling of catharsis, and even her impending death is somehow lessened in it’s gravity. Maybe I feel like this because the new child is destined to be a leader and possibly a hero (I love origin story’s of awesome heores), and this first sacrifice in his life might lead him to be an empirical figure in life.
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March 21, 2017 at 7:43 pm
I really like the traditional style of writing, congrats on the win.
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March 22, 2017 at 4:12 pm
I love it!
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March 22, 2017 at 11:53 pm
Beautifully written, and I love the letter framing device which is something you don’t see as much these day, but is perfect for flash fiction. This was my favourite from the competition – doesn’t hurt that I’m a Sunday’s child with a darker side 🙂
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March 25, 2017 at 3:43 pm
Finally, Rosemary cares for her baby!
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March 25, 2017 at 6:10 pm
Beautiful use of language
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October 20, 2017 at 11:11 am
I enjoyed your story. Nice use of language to flesh out the period. My critique would be this: there are places where the grammar isn’t perhaps as concise as it could be. As an example, the very first line – “…jubilant news: I have given birth…” The colon frames the following jubilant news better than a comma, because it adds a slight pause, giving the news greater importance. All in all, a solid piece of flash fiction.
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